So you got the green light to ‘get it on’ by your doctor, but your body or mind don’t feel ready for postpartum sex.
Some mothers cannot wait to get their sexy partner (now “dad”) into bed. Other mothers dread the moment.
A difficult birth can leave things down under not feeling fine. A caesarean can have the body still feeling like it’s fresh out of surgery. Hormones, leaky boobs, no sleep, oh my!
Life as you know it doesn’t feel sexy, or at least not like it used to.
Keep in mind that you have your entire life to have sex with your partner. Rushing it won’t serve anyone.
The early days of nursing can mimic menopause. Yup, it is true! Everything from night sweats to feeling dry down under. Nursing also suppresses your mojo. Don’t get stressed if you aren’t feeling fancy.
That being said, there are ways around this. Lubrication being one of ’em!
A lot of the fear around postpartum sex is mental. For a woman her orgasm and sexual pleasure ARE very much mental.
SO the big question is: HOW DO YOU GET IN THE MOOD?
Sex is important when it comes to connecting with your partner.
Sex is important when it comes to the connection you have with yourself.
Sex is not supposed to be something that stresses you out. So be patient and honest with your process.
Remember the early days of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to get your hands on your partner. Come back to that feeling. Spend a day focusing on that desire (don’t even tell you partner – just do this for you).
Flirt! Walk by your partner, and kiss their neck. Feed the hunger.
Get yourself in the mood. Do you need a glass of wine? Are you into lingerie? Would a neck rub help? Or can you ask your partner to watch the baby while you have a bath, and shave your legs.
Next up, agree with your partner to play ball!
One afternoon start by making out with your partner. No sex – keep it ‘second base’, or take it to third, or explore it. Just be playful and ease into it.
What does your partner smell like? Feel like? Be present in the moment. Things could get so hot, you might find something in you that you did not know existed.
This process should take on a life of its own.
If you cannot seem to get there, it might be in your interest to discuss this with a professional. Labour can definitely result in some PTSD. That is NOTHING to feel ashamed of.
Last but not least, if you find yourself almost there but then have to pull the plug: don’t stress it. Don’t overthink it. Keep that playful spirit, and try, try again. Not all sex is wonderful, but sex becomes more wonderful as two people commit to exploring.
Your body might feel foreign after having a baby. You and your partner are learning to make love all over again.