I had to remove myself from the mommy forums, because it seemed to be a place to bash baby daddys. The mother has a big job when it comes to babies – so big that sometimes it can be hard to think about anyone else. I wondered, had these women honoured their partners journey to parenthood?
I understand sometimes life doesn’t provide two people a “planned” baby. You might be ready to dump someone, and then poof – you’re pregnant. One tip: USE BIRTH CONTROL if you aren’t sure about someone. A child is serious, so be responsible!
For this conversation let’s say you have yourself a good partner. Even so, a baby will most definitely create some conflict in your relationship.
It can become a competition of WHO DOES MORE. Little things get under your skin easily. Two people can have a very different idea of how to raise a child. You won’t know this until the baby is out of the belly (even if you have discussed it).
It can be hard for the mother because the minute that pee stick says positive, your life changes. For the not pregnant partner it is business as usual for those 9 months; this can birth some resentment.
I found myself often having the dialogue of feeling like I was going through so much more than my partner. It started in my pregnancy, and skyrocketed postpartum. I would tell myself my hubs had it easy.
We didn’t fight. We are pretty good at discussing our issues. But there was a newfound tension in the air. Sometimes I wanted to attack him and accuse him of not understanding what I have been going through.
I had to take a step back and remember I AM the woman. Biologically, I have the baby. I can’t be mad at my husband for not having a uterus and breasts.
My baby daddy was my ROCK. He did everything for me. But the real truth is, I was having a hard time with the change. I wanted to direct my frustration somewhere. This happens a lot in a relationship, we take out our stress on the person that has nothing to do with it.
Instead I tried something that HAS SAVED MY RELATIONSHIP one thousand times over.
I GOT CURIOUS.
I looked at the love of my life and I asked him eight little words.
“How are you doing with all of this?”
It might be hard to consider your partners well-being. You spent 9 months carrying around a watermelon. You laboured or went through invasive surgery. Now you nips are being burnt off while you heal without sleep.
KNOW THIS: You are a warrior mama.
You were given a massive responsibility! Whoever created us knew that it was something you could handle.
The best thing you can do for your relationship is be on your partner’s side. Communicate what you need. Ask for help. Talk about the responsibilities that come with the baby. Check in and ask what your person needs. Stay curious about how they are doing.
Your love should reciprocate. If your love doesn’t clue in, consider this a good time to embrace your mama-bear, and say what you need.
Even though your partner did not go through what you did, this is still a process of big change.
Resentment comes when two people are not understanding each other. Communication is all two people have.
For the sake of staying together, not just for the kids, it is essential to work together. There is a reason you fell in love with this person. Come back to that every time you feel frustrated.
Share this with your partner–if you both need a reminder.
And if you need a little help, here is a better way to argue here!