This is controversial subject for some reason… even though all adults are, or have, or plan to have sex.
What we need to highlight more is having safe responsibile sex… which includes conversations about consent, protection, and sexual health.
Pleasure on the other hand, well there is nothing wrong with pleasure.
I am currently reading Sex At Dawn, and I also have a mild obsession with Esther Perel. Both of which encourage sexual liberation, with healthy boundaries and communication.
I once did a workshop with a group of ladies, of which we were asked to dig deep into our own sexual story. We were asked to write out things that made us feel sexy. We were taught the art of receiving.
My biggest take-away from the workshop was that we are the one’s standing in our own way. We are afraid to ask for what we want; afraid of what someone might think of us or our fantasy. We’ve been brainwashed to be a “lady”, instead of a sexually liberated magnificent being.
Guess what, you can be both!
In all my many moments with fellow woman, I have come to see us as nurturers. This often can be confusing when it comes to receiving… because we are more likely to GIVE.
Having an orgasm and enjoying pleasure is more of a selfish act… in a good way of course. One of which your partner should want you to have. However true to our nurturer self, we often resort to giving… instead of receiving, and are left to feel unsatisified in the bedroom. No wonder so many relationships find themselves sexless.
If you struggle with sex, pleasure, and feeling sexy… I have a little homework for you.
First. Take some time and define what makes you feel sexy… don’t be shy with this. If it’s dancing in your apartment alone to Madonna, or heading down to a lingerie store… DO IT! Take some time and reflect on how you can liberate yourself.
Why? So often this is more than half the battle. If we feel good, we are going to more inclined to get frisky.
Second. Pay attention to how often you allow yourself to receive. Be mindful of dismissing help. The next time you have eight things to do, ask your beloved for a hand… or if your beloved asks you if you need a hand, say yes, yes, YES!
Just like in the bedroom, we can learn a lot about ourselves just by witnessing our own behaviour. Chances are if you can’t ask for what you need, and allow assistance, you won’t be doing this in the bedroom.
(If something tragic has happened to you in the sex department, which unfortunately almost every girl I know, has a story… I would highly recommend seeing a counsellor or talking to someone to help heal. Sex is a beautiful thing, but can be very tarnished from negative experiences. It can be impossible to enjoy, when the whole thing has left you feeling deceived and taken advantage of.)
What’s your sexy secret?